May 2012
10 posts
hyperbolequeen:
you know what the stupidest award is
perfect attendance
why should you be rewarded for having a superior immune system and never catching a virus okay it’s not exactly my fault that I’m not perfect and I gotta work it
where is my award for not murdering anyone all four years of high school since we’re giving out pointless awards here
blainiacs:
i will never forgive jamie lynn spears for getting pregnant and ruining zoey 101
veronikunt:
my life goal is to buy out an entire concert and then the artist will come on stage so dramatically and it will just be me sitting there like
April 2012
90 posts
4/25/12
shane: wait a minute... this pillow has hands. this pillow has a pair of hands.
me: *bite*
shane: OH THIS PILLOW HAS A MOUTH. THIS PILLOW HAS A MOUTH
shane: OH WELL YOU'LL BEST BE GETTING IT RIGHT, PILLOW
me at school: I'll work on this at home
me at home: I'll work on this at school
i hate going to school because i always see people from school there
Vegan, Socially-Responsible Condoms! →
kisseslikejudas:
It’s the Toms Shoes of birth control! For every condom you buy, one is donated to a developing country. This is awesome.
tiffannu:
How do I make it so I don’t feel feelings I hate feeling.
If your child listens to classical music:
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Wagner Effect: Child becomes a megalomaniac. Speaks for six hours at a stretch.
The Schoenberg Effect: Child never repeats a word until he has used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talk backwards or upside-down. Eventually people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The Stravinsky Effect: Child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that lead to fighting and pandemonium in preschool.
The Shostakovich Effect: Child only expresses themselves in parent-approved ways.
The Cage Effect: Childs says exactly nothing for 4 minutes and 33 seconds. Preferred by 9 out of 10 classroom teachers.
The Glass Effect: Child repeats one word over, and over, and over, and over....
“And that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think...”
– The Kite Runner (via haiitslauren)
3 tags
By his teens Borodin (the composer and chemist)...
brokofiev:
skrjabinesque:
Well what the fuck am I doing with my life.
time to give up, everyone
go home
Best thing from conducting class:
: I love Big Tim's, but it gives me the hot poops.
: Dr. Clark said he was gonna get me a "$2 Holla," and I instantly thought "OH MY GOD, HE'S GOING TO GET ME A HOOKER." Turns out it was just a box with pancakes, eggs, and grits. Thought I was gonna get The Clap; ended up with the best damn breakfast ever.
“It’s hard to conjure up some new profound way of commenting on this issue—I’m so...”
– Fiona Apple (via leopoldgursky)
